Yesterday was the closing of a very difficult chapter in our lives and Maya lived it in the most awe-inspiring way. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to lose an eye, let alone have someone I barely know poke and prod me where my eye used to be. We arrived at the ocularist’s office at 9:00 a.m. and the process began immediately. They first removed the conformer that was in her eye to then insert the prosthesis, which at this point was much like the conformer: transparent. It looked thicker than the conformer and Maya felt the difference in fit right away. The first couple of times that the prosthesis was removed and put back in, Maya fought and we had to restrain her. She hated being restrained and said it hurt her arms a lot (Robbie had to hold her arms above her head so her head wouldn’t be able to move). Once she realized that Mr. D would be doing this often, she decided she preferred to cooperate and make it quick. I offered to hug her while he did his work and that became the routine. As I hugged her every time, I felt her begin to relax and give in to the process. At the end of the morning, she was a pro and was completely relaxed and calm. It was a wonderful feeling to share with her.
The ocularist fitted the prosthesis by first drawing a cross on the front of the prosthesis, with the center of the cross being the pupil and the arms, the iris. He spent a lot of time adding wax to the prosthesis to create a better fit that would prevent the prosthesis from moving around in her eye. The goal was for the prosthesis to sit in her eye in such a way that her iris and pupil would not move off-center. He also showed us the implant that was put in Maya’s eye socket following her surgery (not the actual one in her eye, but a model). It’s a piece of plastic that sort of looks like a rounded cube with tiny holes. The muscles of the eye are attached to the holes which is what allows the implant to move. Once you put in the prosthesis, the implant moves the prosthesis similarly to an eye (just a smaller range of motion). Fascinating is all I can say.
Once he was satisfied with the cross, he attached a tiny stem on the “pupil” of the eye to make sure of the placement of the pupil and to once again verify the movement. Once this was done, they attached the iris that Joëlle had started back in January and “cooked” it in an oven for an hour and a half. During that time, we enjoyed a picnic lunch, played some games and just hung out.
Around 12:30 p.m., the eye was ready to be painted and the next part began: the art. Joëlle spent two hours colouring and painting the eye with Maya’s help. Can you believe that part of the coloring process is done with regular prismacolor pencil crayons? Amazing! This part was long for Maya as she often had to stop what she was doing to look at Joëlle who was working so hard to create an eye that was almost exactly the same as her other eye. A very difficult task! Maya was sometimes very cooperative and sometimes less, but the end result was perfect. Maya spent a lot of that time playing with her bear, Kayla, who also had cancer in her eye. Maya removed her eye and pretended to make a new one. As it has been since the beginning, play was her way of getting through an exhausting day. After two hours of patiently sitting for Joëlle, Maya got to paint the first coat of varnish on her eye. She was so proud and can now say that she helped to paint her own eye!
We were then sent back to the waiting room while the eye had its final trip to the oven. Another hour and half of waiting was spent playing some more. Maya was deep into her imaginative play. It was almost as if Robbie and I weren’t even there. Occasionally she would leave to go see Mr. D and they would have little conversations together. At some point we heard her ask him, “Can I give you a hug?” and he of course said yes. Then we heard her say, “I love you Mr. D.” He sounded surprised but thrilled and we think he gave her another big hug. That’s our daughter, always spreading the love when she genuinely feels it.
Finally, the eye was ready. At this point, Maya was very excited about her new eye but also very tired. Mr. D put the prosthesis in and Maya was ecstatic about the result. She was less ecstatic when Mr. D said he had to take it out to shave a little off the front to create a better fit. We had to restrain her once again so he could take it out. He shaved a little off the front, did a quick polish and we had to restrain her to get it back in. At this point, he was satisfied with the fit and so we thought we were home-free. We were wrong. He had to remove it once last time so that it could be polished one final time, a process that takes 20-30 minutes. Maya was not impressed! We were all eager to go home. Once the eye was ready, she still needed to be restrained to put it back in. Then it was all done and we spent some time just admiring it. Although their day was over, all of the people who work there had their coats on and stood there waiting. No one wanted to leave without seeing the final product. There was a lot of love and pride in that room and it filled our hearts. Maya was proud of herself and pleased to receive some multi-colored highlighters from Mr. D as a reward for her hard work.
We left there at 5:15 p.m., stopped at Scores for supper and then headed home. We pulled into our driveway at about 8:45 p.m. and boy, were we happy to be home. Maya was excited because her Graggy and Poppy and our friend Thérèse were there to greet us. She was proud to show them her new eye and is now very excited about playing tricks on people: “Which one is my good eye???”
As I write this note, my emotions are pouring out in puddles and puddles of tears. I feel like we have been climbing this mountain for the past three months and we have finally reached the top. I’ve been reading email after email from our friends and family, messages of love and celebration. These messages have touched my heart in ways I cannot put into words. I finally feel like I can put this into the past and begin to move forward. Our next appointment isn’t for another two months and so we have a good break ahead of us with nothing lingering over our heads. I’m overflowing with emotions right now and feel like the floodgates have finally opened. It’s intense and I’m just trying to ride the wave the best that I can.
Sending you lots of love and light.
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