Journeying into the Unknown

Writing these notes has been so therapeutic for me. It helps me to stay grounded and to express my feelings as I go.

We have been on a roller coaster of emotions this week. We have felt your energies and our hearts have been filled with love. The outpouring of support we have received is overwhelming (in a good way) and in itself a miracle. Leaving our protective bubble of home last night was a lot more difficult than we could have ever anticipated. We left with very heavy hearts, not knowing what the situation will be upon our return. The ride into the city was long and filled with silence as the girls slept in their car seats. Our friends welcomed us into what they call our new bubble.

The girls sensed my heavy heart and insisted on lying on either side of me as I helped them fall asleep. Maya gave me hug after hug and kept repeating "I love you Mommy". It definitely helped to appease my aching heart. As I climbed into bed later on, my heart was filled with anxiety and fear. I began to meditate and it wasn't long before I dozed off to sleep. When I woke up a few short hours later, my heart was once again filled with love and peace, thanks to the hundreds of people who are sending their love our way. We feel your presence, believe me.

Today we embark on our new journey together as a family. My parents and a very close friend will be with us and Robbie's family is with us from afar, but very present nonetheless. At 10:00 Maya will be meeting with her oncology nurse for her pre-MRI preparations. Her MRI will be at 11:00 and boy are we praying for a miracle. There's nothing I would like more for them to say it was all a mistake or it has miraculously disappeared, but we are also ready for whatever news will come our way.

We have printed out your messages of light and love to read when we need extra love, we have our journals and some healthy snacks. Maya is currently playing doctor with Adie and Ella and it as happy as can be. She is "healing" a little white teddy bear given to her by her friend Mia and a little kitty-cat given to her by another friend, Marissa. She has all these stuffed animals in tow, along with her trustworthy blankie.

Please keep lighting your candles and keep thinking of us...it gives us strength.